Back in 2012, I decided to write a letter to my younger self every seven years. Here’s the first one in the series (look at that cute MS Paint drawing!) and here’s the second one.
This year, I decided to turn it into a chat:
Astha2026: Hey baby
Astha_2018: Wait what
Astha2026: That’s how I talk to you now in my head. But it’s fun to freak you out
Astha_2018: Dafuq. It IS a little freaky for sure. I guess age has made you soft, huh?
Astha2026: Totally 🙂
Astha_2018: How old are you now?
Astha2026: Sigh. Fine, let’s get that out of the way first. I’m 36
Astha_2018: Good lord
Astha2026: It’s not that bad
Astha_2018: What’s good about it?
Astha2026: Well, it feels much better inside my head. I like being inside it, for once
Astha_2018: Noice. What’s our life like?
Astha2026: Let’s talk about you first. How’s life as a 27-year-old?
Astha_2018: I’m… really happy actually. But there’s this deep sadness I can’t explain. Does it ever go away?
Astha2026: No, it doesn’t 🙂
Astha_2018: It doesn’t?
Astha2026: It doesn’t. But you learn to live with it, to make room for it, to even respect it. There’s nothing wrong with sadness. But that knotted pit of despair? That will need some work. But you’ll get there, don’t worry
Astha_2018: So… what’s our life like?
Astha2026: It’s beautiful. Over the next eight years, you’ll live through a pandemic, move abroad, work with people from all over the world, travel to multiple countries, learn how to take care of your diet and body (and teeth), have some big mental health revelations, learn a new language, make a ton of friends, become an aunt (twice), and see the rise of AI like never before
Astha_2018: My god, that’s a lot. Will I be okay though?
Astha2026: Yes, mostly. There will be some really dark days, a lot of grief, crying, staying up at night, not feeling in control. But those moments will give you so much strength and clarity and you’ll turn into this beautiful person who’s unafraid of being exactly who she is
Astha_2018: So what should I do to make it easier?
Astha2026: I don’t really have any advice for you. Only a message
Astha_2018: What is it?
Astha2026: I love you. I love you so so much. You’re a lovely, wonderful, stunning person who has no idea how strong and amazing she is
Astha_2018: Strong?
Astha2026: Yes, strong. To go through life with that amount of empathy, curiosity and sensitivity is not easy. And yet you don’t harden yourself. You still know how to make people feel like they belong. You keep going with that same amount of kindness for others in your heart, no matter how you’ve been treated in the past
Astha_2018: Arreee stop, I don’t know how to process this! 🙈
Astha2026: Hahaha I get it. It gets easier. And you’re going to be just fine. You are not “too difficult to handle”, you are not hard to love, you are not unpredictable or moody or too much. You don’t have to hide your big emotions. You are allowed to feel scared, angry, hurt, existential, lonely – everything that makes you you. You are incredible, and people who are in your inner circle are so lucky
Astha_2018: Ok that’s a bit too much, isn’t it?
Astha2026: It’s not. I need you to know this. There’s so much to you, and you deserve unconditional love, the kind you didn’t have growing up. You deserve all the attention and time in the world, and you’re not asking for too much
Astha_2018: Why must you make a grown woman cry?
Astha2026: Can I say something else?
Astha_2018: Sure, now that I’m crying anyway
Astha2026: You deserve to be here, even on your worst days. Even if you don’t show up. You don’t have to prove anything. You don’t have to show output. You don’t need to justify why you deserve love. You deserve love because you’re here, and you’re you. And the world isn’t perfect, but it’s better for having you in it
Astha_2018: What the hell, Astha? I wasn’t expecting you to make me bawl so much
Astha2026: Well, it had to be said
Astha_2018: Ok. Question. An important one: are we living the life we wanted?
Astha2026: Hell to the yes. We live in one of the most liberal cities in the world. Last year, we watched both Linkin Park and Röyksopp live. This year, we did a road trip through the Scottish highlands and last week, we visited Norway for a work trip
Astha_2018: Holy shit, we’re so cool 😀
Astha2026: But more important than all of this is that we’re so completely loved
Astha_2018: ❤️
Astha_2018: I have another question
Astha2026: Yes?
Astha_2018: Do we look old now?
Astha2026: Lol, old-er, yes. But we still look damn fine
Astha_2018: Like, fine or faaaaine?
Astha2026: Faaaaine 🔥
Astha_2018: Phew, that’s a relief I gotta say
Astha2026: I mean, we do some skincare and colour our whites, but nobody needs to know that, okay?
Astha_2018: Okie. So like… are we happy?
Astha2026: Yes, we are. We enjoy existence, despite all the angst and madness of it
Astha_2018: I can’t wait to be this self-assured person you seem to be
Astha2026: All in its own time
Astha_2018: Thank you for this, I needed it
Astha2026: I’m always here. And oh, before I forget: happy birthday 🙂
Astha_2018: Same to you ❤️
Astha2026: I’m so proud of you my darling girl. If anybody gives you a hard time, give me a call, and I’ll be here to give ‘em hell
Astha_2018: Lol, noted. Love you, talk soon 🙂
Astha2026: Good bye, my love. See you soon ❤️
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