Butterflies and Hurricanes

Horcruxes

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Astha

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Dear blog reader,

Hi 🙂

You know how everybody has those handful of people in their lives who are closer than family? The ones who know you down to your sodding bones. The ones with whom you share a mutual bond that surpasses all distances and conditions. The ones who make you feel comfortable in your own skin — bare, bleak or bedraggled.

Yeah, them. I have a deplorably low number of such friends. I talk to so many people, but I rarely ever ‘connect’ with them. We have conversations, we laugh, but I still feel like somewhat of an impostor in front of them. I know some people who excel in the art of socializing, making friends, and gelling with all sorts of people with impressive ease and gusto. For me, if I don’t connect with them, I mostly never seem to make the effort.

So the people I do share that bond with, I hold onto them with dear life. I’ve lost a few, but recently, I’ve gained a few as well. And every time I feel like life is knocking me around like a ball in a Pinball machine, I directly or indirectly, knowingly or unknowingly, passively or aggressively, depend on them. They make me feel like my life still makes sense somehow. And although, I sometimes disappear from WhatsApp and don’t answer calls, I do have my sudden outbursts and outpourings of love and affection. But I feel like I don’t do justice to the fierceness of my love for them.

I want to run up to them, shake them up and yell in their faces, “LISTEN UP, YOU! YOU NEED TO KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU. YOU JUST DO. I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO EXPRESS IT. BUT IT IS ABSOLUTELY IMPERATIVE FOR YOU TO KNOW HOW MUCH. ARE YOU GETTING ME?!”

How do I hush this kerfuffle inside my chest? I want to jump and dance and kick-box and sky-dive from skyscrapers till I dispense all this energy. It’s tough being like this. It’s too much of everything. It’s too much, or nothing at all. It’s either freezing cold, or molten lava. Stultifying darkness, or blinding light.

I just want all of you to know, I love you more than anything. Thank you for being there throughout my anxiety attacks, dilemmas, bouts of insomnia and insanity, and angst-ridden e-mails and text messages. Thank you for listening to me and understanding my coruscating flashes of inspiration, fears, migrations and hibernations. Thank you for just being yourselves.

Thank you for being my horcruxes.

P.S. SO.MUCH.LOVE.

CAN’T.TAKE.IT.

11 responses to “Horcruxes”

  1. Bensicle Avatar
    Bensicle

    “…if I ever have a Horcrux, a part of my soul will always be with you. As long as you’re alive, I won’t mind living. But if you’re gone, then a part of me dies with you.”
    I’d never let you die, now, would I? 🙂
    -B

    P.S. NO! I.WOULDN’T! SO.MUCH.MORE.LOVE.BACK.AT.YOU!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Astha Avatar
      Astha

      Weeeeeeeeeeee! 😀

      Like

      Reply
  2. Arch Avatar
    Arch

    You should be really happy that you have such people in your life. You are blessed! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  3. N Avatar
    N

    And then she found herself TRAPPED in a quicksand of mush and love. What does she do?! How does she escape? How can she resist the pull. . . Slowly, something poured into her tense muscles and all effort seemed to lax. . .it began to dawn on her, resistance, was futile.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Astha Avatar
      Astha

      Muah 😀

      Like

      Reply
  4. satellitetorpedo Avatar
    satellitetorpedo

    Dear Astha,

    I am glad you finally did this. I was wondering how long I’d have to be hot and happening and lovable before you noticed. And wrote about it. It is a lot of effort, you know? It feels good to be validated finally 😛

    I love you Astha and I wouldn’t trade you for a slice of the best pizza in the world. YOU KNOW I LOVE PIZZA.

    Yours, spurting received,
    N

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Astha Avatar
      Astha

      Yayyyyyy! ❤

      Like

      Reply
  5. enigma Avatar
    enigma

    Such people are rare, I tell you. You’re truly blessed. The most important quality (if I may say) is that they know what’s wrong just by looking at your eyes. That’s a rare gift, the gift of friendship.

    Though, I never had one, I may never, so I know that such people are rare. Hold on to them, cherish them. And no, such people won’t leave you even if you went a million miles away. Wishing you all the love in the world, take care. 😀

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    Reply
    1. Astha Avatar
      Astha

      Thank you! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. enigma Avatar
        enigma

        You’re welcome. 🙂

        Like

  6. vigneshgiridharan Avatar
    vigneshgiridharan

    Dear Asth,
    It shouldn’t take an expert in human psychology (like me obviously) to figure out why you’ve entrusted only the few of us with your stories, emotions, and fears. No, it’s not because we understand those things. We’ll never understand them, at least never completely. But we will try to understand them nevertheless. We’ll try to assuage the storm of feelings that enter your head and threaten to rend you asunder every so often. And maybe together, we’ll succeed in doing it. The only time we won’t stop you is when you feel a spurt coming on. Then we’ll let you go all out.

    Love,
    V (the diary picked up by a very naive Weasley girl)

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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Hello,

I’m Astha

Welcome to my blog. I use this space as a pensieve: a place to store my memories and feelings. It’s a rest house. An easy chair. A watering hole for the soul. I’m glad you’re here. Take a look around, make yourself at home ☕

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