Butterflies and Hurricanes

I feel melancholic, in a good way. I don’t think that a word has been created to describe that feeling yet. I’m comfortably ensconced in the familiarity of going to work, being amidst people I like, involving myself in work and then getting myself out of it at the end of a long day. It’s September already, and I’ve begun my fifth month as (or trying to be) a strong, independent woman.

Every weekend is much awaited with anticipation and eagerness, and each one passes by swiftly, adding a dash of new colours on my canvas. Comic con, gigs, pubs, movies, friends and long breezy evenings accompanied by delicious albeit overpriced and heavily taxed food. My bank account ebbs and flows with monthly rituals of splurging and later regretting. Even though life seems to have stagnated a bit, I’m looking forward to certain events in the future viz. a few good trips, our convocation, a couple of weddings, and some much-needed family time.

My roommate, who I really got along well with, moved out all of a sudden one day. So I’ve been alone for over a week. I love it. When you’re alone, you cannot be a more honest version of yourself. Whatever I do, I do it only because I want to. No pretences. The breeze is flowing in through the open window. I have more thoughts than I care to share, but I wanted to update my blog for some time. I will come back when my head isn’t swimming, and I’ve figured out certain things in life. I really do know how to convolute my life for no good reason. I guess misunderstood geniuses have a tendency to do that, don’t they? 😛

Listening to ‘Peaceful Easy Feeling’ by Eagles, I’m reminded of my graduation. My friends and I performed this song on the stage during an event. I don’t remember specific details of it, but I do remember how happy I was on the stage, sharing the mic with my best friend, singing with all my heart. It’s amazing how those feelings stay with you for so long.

I’m sharing parts of a poem by Pablo Neruda that reflects my current state of mind. Somehow, I think I understand what he means.

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.