Butterflies and Hurricanes

Hello, my lovelies, 

The last time I wrote here, it was peak summer. And now the end of the year is around the corner. The last three months have been transformational to say the least, and my feelings are bouncing all over the place like newborn pups that have just been released into my lap. 

First, let’s get the boring stuff out of the way. Work has been intense, volatile and quite unpredictable. I’m still grateful that I still have a job, a role that I like, and despite all the curveballs being thrown at me, I’ve mostly aced all the projects I’ve owned so far. Including organizing three events in three different cities. I’m incredibly proud of myself, and it’s something I don’t say all the time. 

Second, milestones. I turned thirty-five last month. Holy wow. Even saying that is freaking me out a little bit. Of course I’m closer to 40 than to 30 now, and of course time is zipping by, yada yada. But man, look at the life I’m building! Look at the things I’ve done. Sure, the pores on my face are larger and my hair is whiter. Sure, I feel my age slowly coiling around my bones. But I also feel pretty damn good about the person I have become. She’s fierce and soft at the same time. She’s bold and gentle and I… I love her. It feels so good to be able to say that. 

V organized my birthday party at a cute little coffee shop near a beautiful lake and invited my closest friends. It was cold, but we didn’t mind. We took a stroll around the lake, admired the fall colours, spotted some swans and ducks, had questionable and salt-less German potatoes, and had some lovely conversations. That day, at the table with them, despite the chill in the air, munching on pommes frites and homemade cupcakes, I felt at home. 

In other news, I joined a choir and I’ve absolutely loved the experience. Not only do I find singing in a group cathartic, but it also lets me be in a space where I can meet new people and make friends. In September, we performed at a beautiful church in all black. I invited my friends to watch us, and singing together was one of the best things I’ve done here so far. For an amateur group with no real experience, we sounded pretty damn good. Last week we sang at a retirement home and this week we’ll sing at a Christmas market. I’m enjoying being part of this gorgeous community. It’s very soul-satisfying. 

I recently travelled to Prague and Frankfurt and despite some intense workshops and overstimulation, I had some of the most magical moments of my entire life. Moments when I had to pinch myself to see if I was really there, really experiencing them. Moments that I’ll use as kindling on the darkest of days. Moments that can help me create an undefeatable Patronus. Beautiful boat rides and walks in Prague, gorgeous autumn colours and pretty neighbourhoods in Frankfurt, cathedrals and old towns and museums and bridges. It feels like a movie, and yet, it is as real as life itself. 

I always enjoy autumn but this year, I enjoyed it with a clarity I haven’t had before. It was sweet and painful and smeared with the awareness of how everything ends. Every leaf, every shade, every tree spoke to me. It made me cry and it made me laugh. It made me dance like an actress in an over-the-top Bollywood movie. It made me listen to ghazals. It filled me up with hope and liberation. It made me dance and fall head-first into a bed of fallen leaves, simply cherishing the colours around me. Life feels so beautiful and I want to hold it and pause it and love it as much as I can. 

We’re heading towards Christmas break now, and I can’t wait. (I’ve already started singing ‘This is my December’, have you?) No matter how much I hate this weather, and the early sunsets, the grey skies, I wake up every day and I choose to love this city. I’m stubborn about it. No matter how much you glower at me, Berlin, I will continue to love you. You can’t escape my love, Enrique style. I definitely like you better post April though. 

2025 has been phenomenal. There’s one thing that booms in my head when I think about life now: abundance. I have everything I need and more. I’m safe. I’m loved. I’m here. 

What else does one need? ❤️