Butterflies and Hurricanes

I love September. This September, in particular, is tingling with good things to come. My heart is flitting about like a happy butterfly. I have too many things to talk about though, so let me jot it all down in a list: 

• Autumn is turning out to be my favourite season. I love it for its orange-ness and pumpkin-ness and Halloweeny-ness and for all the leaves that are preparing to fall. Though right now, summer seems to want to stay for longer. I don’t mind, though I’m craning my neck and waiting for autumn’s arrival. There’s a special kind of sickly happy sadness that this season brings. The kind that’s my baseline mood in life most of the time. A maudlin sort of contentment. An existential airy dream. Some angst thrown into some romance. That’s why I relate so hard with this season. It makes me want to cry, in a good way. 

• My parents visited us in Berlin. This was the first time they came to stay with us where the goal was to spend time together as a family, and honestly, it felt really special. Since they’re anxious travellers, it was hard convincing them to make the trip. But I’m just glad we prodded them to do it, because it turned out to be some of the best days we’ve had together. They were happy and carefree when they were here, and we took them around the city. We ate out, shopped, drove up to Prague, had long conversations and laughed a lot. I loved that. Just sitting and having a good time. I needed that. 

• I was so touched that my dad found mangoes (even though the season is over) and got a dozen in a box especially for me. I never go home in the summer, so I always miss out on them. As soon as I sank my teeth into one, MAN, the taste overpowered me, and I remembered how much I love north Indian mangoes. I’m just glad I got to experience that. I guess this is how parents say they love you. Through mangoes, snacks, food and little things. It’s adorable. They also met my friends, and it was wonderful to share a slice of our lives here with them. 

• I’m not doing so hot in the health department. I was on strong medications for a year, until I stopped them a few months ago. Even though it has improved my health, I’m still struggling with irregular periods, horrible PMS symptoms, mood swings so bad they make me cry and rage at minor inconveniences. I’ve accepted it as part of my life now, but it hurts that I have to live with it. Some days it leaves me exhausted. I want to get back to a healthier routine: good food, an active lifestyle, proper sleep. It’s easier said than done though. My ADHD doesn’t make it easy for me to stick to anything. I’ve tried and failed a million times. Oh well, gotta keep going. 

• I recently played this game called A Plague Tale, and I can’t get over it. The way it gripped my heart is unlike anything I’ve experienced at the hands of a gaming company. I keep going back to its theme song and reliving all the emotions I felt while playing it: wonder, awe, amazement, shock, hope and despair. If you have the time or inclination, do check it out. It has two parts: Innocence and Requiem. Everything about it is sheer magic: from the characters, to the animation to the sets. The things we can do today. I felt the same way when I was watching Life on Our Planet on Netflix. The animation is mind numbingly good. Please watch it. It’s life-changing stuff. 

• Linkin Park has a new lead singer, and she’s incredible. I can’t keep calm because when Chester Bennington died, a part of my childhood did too. This band has meant more to me than I can ever explain, and I’ve grown up singing their songs for years. Chester’s demise broke the band apart, but now, new hope has rekindled. I’m going to attend their concert. Sooner or later.

• I’m looking forward to so much. I’m travelling to Athens for a company offsite, and even though I love remote work, I get excited about meeting people in person, laughing, eating, dancing and especially hugging them. Just doing human things. We also have a trip planned to Munich: a city I’ve been meaning to visit for a while. I can’t believe I get to say these things. 

• It’s been a great year. This summer I dabbled into quite a few things: some acting, rowing, meeting strangers in mixers, hosting friends and family, making new friends, board gaming, going to biergartens, and driving to nearby towns and cities. I can’t emphasise enough how much I love Berlin. Even though it’s huge (9 times bigger than Paris!) it isn’t too crowded, or too expensive. And with its parks, cafes, art, and events, it somehow hits the sweet spot for me.

I’m glad that even though I haven’t been consistent with almost anything in my life, I manage to keep this blog alive. It’s really important and sacred to me. If you’re still reading, thank you. I love having you here. 

Until next time, my lovely tulips 🌷