Butterflies and Hurricanes

I have confetti in my heart; glow worms in my stomach, goblins in my mind.

I’m going to India tomorrow after more than a year. I feel (mostly) good about it. There’s this special new feeling that I’m beginning to enjoy: the anticipation of coming back home.

And by home I mean the new life we’re building in Berlin. This surreal new life with its familiar streets and cafes, flea markets and vintage shops, and walks by the river. I love the friendships we’re forming, the change of seasons, exploring new neighbourhoods, brunches that go on for hours.

I’m astounded by the peace I feel here, even if I’m by myself, simply existing.

My happiness about going to India has now doubled. I get to appreciate both worlds for what they are. India for its madness and colour, burst of flavours and insane decibel levels. Berlin for its parks, parties, bars and places of history pulsating with life.

They couldn’t be more different, and yet they both live in me now.

There are bits of every place I’ve ever lived in, looming inside me. Every place has coloured me in its own special ways, with its history and dialect, cuisines and habits. The expressions I picked up, the catchphrases I adopted, the oddities and mannerisms. I’m so much more now. I feel full.

Another strange feeling (that almost feels wrong) is that I’m genuinely enjoying my work. I’ve found a sweet spot at the intersection between a good manager, a good team and fulfilling work. For now, this’ll do. This’ll more than do.

Amidst all the glitter and hope, I also feel guilty. I want to share this gooey feeling with everyone in the world. All of us deserve a home we can return to. All of us deserve peace and freedom and the ability to share a hot meal with people we love. How can we live in a world where this is still not a reality for so many?

We’re probably the only species that’s capable of so much gentleness and so much destruction at the same time.

All I can do right now is have the courage to own a heart that’s not afraid of breaking many times over.

So with my glow worms and goblins, I’ll turn in for the night. I wish you love and peace, wherever you are. And a giant hug that overstays its welcome, for good measure.