Butterflies and Hurricanes

Sometimes when I sit completely alone, an overwhelming sense of being on my own engulfs me. I am living my own life, on my own terms, doing the things I always wanted to do. I feel so free, like my chest would cave in.

I want to do so many other things. I want to write things that move people. I want to express myself so eloquently that words just flow from my fingertips and onto my laptop screen. I want them to touch people the way the soothing strums of an acoustic guitar touches people. I want to have an indefatigable spirit of always moving forward. Always learning from my mistakes. Crashing and burning. Rising and falling with the ever-changing waves. I never want to get tired. Or give up. I always want to know things. Learn things. I want to go places. I want to soak cultures in. I want to meet people who are in love with their lives. Who are constantly resounding with the amazing symphony they think life is.

Sometimes I want to do things only I want to do. Sometimes I want to wander off into space and think of a million things without being interrupted. I want to read, and read and read, without my eyes closing due to the exhaustion of a long day. Sometimes I want to travel to Europe, without time or money being deterrents. I want to meet artists who shape their lives with the beauty of their work. I want to be inspired by them. I want to understand poetry. I want to fall in love over and over again. Not the romantic kind, but the kind when you fall in love with the spirit of a person because they are so beautiful.

I want to sit on a terrace on a swing and sip tea. I want to have white lace curtains on my windows that blow beautifully when it is breezy outside. I want people to cuddle. Pets to love. Notebooks to be filled. Scented candles and hot water baths after a long day. Someone to talk to all night. Sit on a terrace, gaze at the stars. I want potted plants on my window sills. A warm neck for a cold nose. The sound of raindrops falling. Beautiful lamp shades. Fluffy slippers. Chocolate fondues.

I want to be surrounded by people who always want to do different things, or do things differently. I want to be best friends with people who love animals as much as I do. I want them to sing with me, when I break into a song out of the blue. I want them to like the music I worship. I want them to understand why I would rather pick up a book than watch a reality show. I want them to relish fantasy fiction as much as I do. I want them to love ‘Old Man Canyon’ the first time they hear them, like I did. I want them to understand why I cry watching a silly video, and why that is completely okay. I want them to understand why I think about everything so deeply. I want them to talk, really, really, talk to me.

I want to be inspired. I want to always, always have a positive attitude towards everything. Life can get you down, but it can pick you right back up too. The goal is to keep going forward, and learn as much as you can in the process. One day when I’m old and wrinkly, I want to be satisfied with the life I’ve lived. I want to embrace my future with arms wide open. I’m so excited to grow into the person I can already envision.

Today is the beginning of the rest of my life.